Doubt

I share this with you, as it may resonate. I seek to assist others in standing strong and clear. The bodywork I offer assists in releasing old fears, trapped emotions and other constricting patterns leading to doubt and fear. Doubt and fear are symptoms. You can stand clear and free.

In me, doubt has been insidious. It has been a stumbling block for most of my life. It triggers a state of fear and a state of freeze. This means it affects my abilities to make decisions. It affects my ability to express myself. And so that is how I find myself here today, expressing and writing about it.

During the course of my life I have often felt led. That the universe, life and my higher self leads me or assists in directing me on a path of learning.

Just get it out.

So I’m noticing that this beginning feels very good and now I start to feel the doubt and resistance showing up. What if what I’m writing or sharing is not good enough. It feels so heavy and restrictive it makes me want to stop. I feel it especially in my hips as a squeezing tension. It is quite uncomfortable. Doubt is a form of fear.

An awareness I had today just blanked out on me as I wanted to write about it. So this is the power of the doubt and of the restrictions of places upon the psyche. I noticed this kind of blank out even when I attempt to think of long-term goals. I’m not sure why it blocks me in this way but it is what it is. I will continue.

The awareness was about my gifts and intuition. As I grew in my knowledge and practice of working with human bodies, as well as pets and other living things, I constantly modified my approach as I felt restrictions in the physical body. My studies had led me to recognize early on that we are fields of energy that attract and repulse and have flows. Energy is our information highway. And now the awareness that has come to me that although I have had great praise over the years in the way that I help others to heal I have also restricted myself through this doubt. For example, I recognize now that the information that comes to me in the energy as I work with the body is sometimes shared, in other words I am able to express it to others. But for many years and even still now what I am recognizing is that this doubt has made me fearful of sharing what I’m feeling and of even being able to put words to what I am feeling for fear of being laughed at, ostracized, put down, or whatever. And so the safe route for me has been to work with the energy in such a way that I sometimes have minimal identification of what it is but that it is still able to easily shift and release and change in the individual. And so now I’m noticing the tension in my lower abdomen – a squeezing. And I just sit with it and watch and listen and allow. It is quite uncomfortable.

And so while I’m not quite sure how to release this, I will continue because I know I need to express. I know I need to let this out. Even though I may be attacked for it. And this makes me wonder, do I need to express now in a different way with my clients? Do I need my clients to validate me? Can I feel safe expressing even though it may create confusion in others? And the answer to all that feels like a yes and yet there is still that tension inside of me that creates a protective mechanism seeming to keep me from feeling hurt. Again, I sit with it, watch it, love it, breathe into it… For it is alive and deserves recognition even though it is something that I don’t like or don’t want to have in my life or my thinking.  I write this for me, but trust that it helps others on their path. You find what you need. What shows up is your path. What shows up is The Path.